What Do I Say?

Sometimes I am missing in action. This happens yearly, my creativity comes to a stop and I can’t seem to drag myself out of it. Writing can be hard at times… thinking about content, wanting to share with you personal details but sometimes feeling afraid. I think the important thing is that I am in front of a computer typing right now. I’m sure this will be pointless, but better to try than not, right? I have secrets to share, however I’m afraid the wrong people will come across this post and know what I’ve lied about. So I can’t necessarily share right now, but I do hope that I am able to do so in the future. I haven’t been making jewelry or playing with crystals in the last two months. This one hurts me because it really was a passion of mine and something I found down right fun. I have to start again… just need the motivation to do so. I’ve been managing my depression (seasonal) pretty well. My boyfriend agrees. December was really rough due to unemployment but I got through it, again. Good news is that is over and I’m thankful. My body dysmorphia is back and loud. This part sucks, but it’s frustrating. I keep hearing her whisper about how fat I am and how i need to change. Starve yourself. Lower your calories. I’ve done so but my body hasn’t changed and I just feel stuck. On an honest note this happens to those who recovered/are recovering, you just want the bones back. At least I do right now. I hope this doesn’t sound selfish and if it does, I am sorry. So currently I’m battling voices in my head. Not fun, but alas it is part of the game.

Talk soon.

All my love,

-Bells